LG, do you think that you can broach the subject with your mother? I can understand perfectly well if you feel like the answer to that is no. I just feel so
bad for you! There's a lot of deep feelings swirling around and I just want you to have an outlet for them.
0 Kudo
Morals and Ethics
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 Miss Moppet |
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Posts: 34354 (07/18/09 2:13 PM) Reporter Cheese |
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LadyGayle81 |
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Posts: 229 (07/18/09 4:43 PM) Cheeze Whiz |
Yes, you're right, zan It's funny, I didn't even realize that I hadn't actually stated it explicitly. Habit, I suppose.
I've never told anybody, except one friend.
I couldn't tell my mom, Moppet. She would absolutely freak out and the whole situation would blow up. She would never be able to keep it to herself, either. I've been able to mostly forget it ever happened, I rarely think about it. Except now I can't stop thinking and wondering if by forgetting I allowed him to do the same thing to other kids. God! I hate this! |
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Miss Moppet |
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Posts: 34355 (07/18/09 5:01 PM) Reporter Cheese |
NO. *You* are not responsible for what he did. He is the only one who is responsible for his actions. I understand the thought process you're going
through. But you were just a kid, trying to cope the best way you knew how.
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 zan |
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Posts: 13740 (07/18/09 5:09 PM) Bishop Cheese |
Moppet is correct, you are not responsible for the behavior of someone else. He is the one who was responsible for his
own actions and you cannot own his issues. Also, you were a child and you cannot hold yourself childhood self to the standards of an adult.
But this is why I do think that it is important for you to get counseling. Your story is not uncommon - whether or not it is technically a "repressed" memory, it is not uncommon for victims of childhood sexual abuse to not actively recall the abuse as an adult until something triggers it. But once it is triggered, it doesn't just go away - it is something that you are going to have to deal with. I cannot urge you strongly enough, please speak to a counselor about this because it will help you deal with this experience going forward. |
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FinnanHaddie |
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Posts: 12033 (07/18/09 10:37 PM) Fishy Cheese |
I'll second everything zan & Moppet have said. As another survivor of child sexual abuse, I know all too well the
feeling of guilt over not telling, and that talking to a counselor with experience in this area, or even to a suppor group, can really help a lot and relieve
you of the guilt you feel that really doesn't belong to you.
And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being relieved or glad he's dead, because now you know for sure that he'll never attack another child.
Last Edited By: FinnanHaddie
07/18/09 10:39 PM.
Edited 1 times.
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Stellaluna69 |
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Posts: 5738 (07/19/09 1:39 AM) Choose Your Own Cheese |
LG, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm not sure if it helps, but I'll say it anyway: it wasn't your fault, what he did
to you or what he might have done to others. Not one bit.
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LadyGayle81 |
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Posts: 230 (07/19/09 3:17 PM) Cheeze Whiz |
Thanks for the kind words, everybody. I'm feeling calmer and more settled today. The news just threw me for a major loop.
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zan |
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Posts: 13869 (08/11/09 1:19 PM) Bishop Cheese |
Randy Cohen has a really interesting post up on his New York
Times Ethicist blog about Bud Schulberg and separating the artist from the art. Schulberg wrote "On The Waterfront" and also named names to
House Un-American Activities Committee.
The only thing I would add, which Cohen fails to but several people in the comments section note, is that Schulberg's reasons for naming names was complicated (I think that this was also true of Elia Kazan). We (as in American society) all look upon that era now as if everything was black and white - those willing to stand up to McCarthy were the good guys and anyone who wasn't was a bad guy. But I have to imagine that things weren't so clear to the people in the middle of it. If Schulberg or Kazan felt that they were morally justified in their actions, then does that change the calculation of how we see their actions, even if we ultimately disagree with them? |
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SpringBarb |
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Posts: 6597 (08/11/09 4:21 PM) Indecisive Cheese |
I saw a documentary about Jerome Robbins recently, and he wound up giving some names to the HUAC. Like the others, he had his reasons--namely, he was bi or gay
(I can't remember which) and Ed Sullivan (!) basically blackmailed him into it; Robbins had been vaguely involved with communists during the 1930s, I
believe, but quit quickly. Anyway, it totally changed my perception of everyone involved. The documentary had footage of the daughter of two of the people he
named, and she was really, really pissed at him, still. Which I get, but...it's hard to outright condem a lot of these people. It's not a black and
white decision.
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ChocolateCherry |
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Posts: 2068 (08/21/09 9:15 AM) Choose Your Own Cheese |
I tried to do something nice and helpful and now I'm feeling guilty. My apartment cbuilding has 2 sets of doors, one set goes to the parking lot and the
other set goes to a side street that travels through the complex. The only people who use the side street doors are delivery men, people dropping off/picking
up someone and those going for a walk around the complex.
If you have a delivery the men can't get in the lobby to leave it and the front office won't take it so you're supposed to be there to pick it up. Yesterday there was a Fed-ex door tag on the side door so I took it and put it on my neighbor's mailbox which is next to the parking lot door. The neighbor took it, signed it and left it above the mailboxes with a note that says "leave at door". They didn't realize that the tag was transferred inside and not placed on the mailbox by the Fed-Ex person so I was debating whether to move the note to the outside door where I found it. Then I realized that if the guy did leave the package I would have to bring it inside, etc. I finally decided I would just leave it and let the people figure it out themselves especially if I leave the subsequent notes on the side door, but I feel bad because they're not going to get their package. Was I being helpful or did I just make things more complex than they needed to be? |
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zan |
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Posts: 13951 (08/21/09 10:02 AM) Bishop Cheese |
You were being helpful. While you probably should have left a little note to your neighbors that you found this on the side door, it should not be too hard
for the Fed Ex folks to realize that they should leave the package at the front of the complex. I wouldn't feel guilty about it, they'll figure it
out.
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